Well, back when I was a believer I was always a doubter.

When I faced up to reality and admitted to myself that
there really were no Gods, I was *almost* totally freed
of the brainwashing I had been influenced by since birth.

I was free to express disbelief openly and to search for
truth, free of guilt and free of fear that any Gods would
damn me to an eternal hell.

Hell dreams (which I'd had since childhood, although
less severe as I got older) and fear of hell disappeared.

Interest in science and in points of view disputing religion
led me to purchase close to 200 books and to embark on
a quest for truth and knowledge unimpeded by religious
obfuscations, guilt-trips, and God fears.

Immortality? That hope went away and resurfaced, but
only based on the knowledge it's highly unlikely and no
actions or beliefs in this plain of existence can impact it
in any way, shape, or form - in other words, it's God-free
and fully accepting of the high probability that this life is
it, so we are best served by maxing it out and making it
last as long and pleasurably as possible.

But, back to the God beliefs, I still face the brainwashing
of superstition which resides deep in my subconscious,
embedded there like a cancer, despite all logic and
reason to the contrary. If anyone knows how to purge
the religious brainwashing, like totally, from the depths
of my subconscious (without deleterious side effects,
if you please), be so kind as to provide enlightenment
for us.

Now, to look at it another way, how would I change
my life if it were somehow proven that there *is* a
God?

Depends, if God gave me a universe to play in as a God
my own self, hey, party down, I'd get the opportunity to
be a better God.

If God zapped me or fried me or whipped me well, clearly,
my options would be limited 'cause then I'd have to play
the role of a victim of a really hideous God, eh?

Besides, proof of a non-existent deity would require
brainwashing (oh no, it'd be deja vu city) and since I've
already spent close to 40 years recovering from that
(recovered for the most part with residual effects
perhaps lingering around in perpetuity), well, I just
don't see myself submitting to that again.

I'm not going to accept that willingly, silently, without
debating/defending my freedom/reasons for disbelief.

And furthermore...

There seems to be a terrible misunderstanding on the part
of some Christians that God-belief is related to goodness
when, point in fact, it's directly tied to mental slavery by
its very nature. The only true path to morality is freedom
from myth and delusion, in my view.

Peace, joy, happiness. Know no god and know the truth.